Adjusting

I don't know why, but I am having a dificult time adjusting to this new life. I am so happy and thrilled to have Austin and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am just always by myself it seems and I really have a hard time taking everything on. Jason has been very busy with work and I don't want to put this on anyone else. I think I have some postpartum depression :(

Austin was off to a scary start when he went back into the hospital for jaundace and dehydration. I may be feeling guilty for that and now I am scared something else could go wrong. I will try to get over this and enjoy the little guy more. He is amazing and such a joy to my life. I am so happy my dream has finally come true.

Dawn

Healthy Little Boy

Austin is 13 days old today. I can't believe it has almost been two whole weeks since hehas been here. I am finally able to enjoy him and not worry so much. He went to the doctor today and his jaundace has gone away and he is gaining weight again. After he was born, I tried to breastfeed and he wasn't getting enough so he lost a lot of weight and was jaundace. He had to go into the hospital for a couple of days and still he was dehydrated and jaundace. It was so frustrating! His doctor decided to put him on formula and since then it has been so much easier for both him and I. His color is so much better and he just seems so much more happy.

I didn't go to the doctor with him and daddy this morning, I needed to get some much needed rest. Daddy took him there then took him to his frist trip to the mall. They surprised me and bought Happy Feet. I thought it was so sweet :) Austin slept the whole time and just enjoyed the trip. After that we had to take him to Meijer to get a couple of things and he did amazing there too! HE is such a good baby, accept at night when he likes to be awake. We are working on that though.

Jason was sick this past weekend, and he gave it to me. I had a 100.6 temp this afternoon. I slept some and loaded up on meds and I'm feeling much better. Hope Austin doesn't get it.

So all is well with the Rockett family...FINALLY :)

It's been a while

I never posted that I had the baby. He is 1 week 1 day old. I can't believe how busy I've been. Now that I have a little quiet time, I am gong to get some sleep. I will post details soon!

Dawn

Full Term and False Alarm

Some pics before the rush to the hospital for the false alarm...grrrr

Today I feel fulfilled, I have finally hit the full term mark - 37 weeks. I never ever thought it was possible for me, but I did it.

I had a false alarm last night. I started to feel contractions around 5pm, and they were painless and far apart. Then they started getting closer and closer together and painful. They were only 5 min apart. I thought for sure that was it. We packed bags and loaded the car, called people and everything. I was actually very relaxed and ready to go the delivery.

When I got there they put me on the monitor and they were showing up. The doctor checked me and said my cervix hasn't changed, so they sent me home. He said to come back if my contractions were strong and 5 min apart. I told him that is what they were doing right then. He said they weren't doing any damage so go home. I couldn't believe it. All this pregnancy I couldn't get them to leave me alone, now they are the least bit interested in me. What's up with that?

New Bassinet

I got my new bassinet today and it's so beautiful. I love it and it makes me want to have him right now. It came with a little pillow and blanket that match too. Awww....

Wandering Thoughts

Jason took this of me last night...36 weeks!

I can't get my mind off of this baby! I guess that is a good thing though, he is already so loved. Last night I couldn't sleep a wink. I just layed there thinking about the day I get to meet him and bringing him home, taking care of him...all of the fun stuff. Then I started to panic and think about the delivery. I am very nervous, but ready. The worst part is the anticipation. I can't stand waiting anymore. I am starting to wish that I would just go into labor and get it over with. I was joking with Jason and my mom and told them we need to just go to the hospital and say, "Excuse me I am here to have my baby. I am not in labor, but thats ok right? Oh, and could I please sign up for one of those fast painless delivieries?? Oh good, Thanks!" Wouldn't that be just great??

Oh well, it's almost Wednesday and she mentioned getting things started then. Guess I have to wait a couple more days!

Strange How Things Work Out

Lately I have beeen receiving wonderful support from a website for women suffering from high-risk pregnancies. Most women are on bedrest or stuck in the hospital for long amounts of time and have been through so much. They offer "buddies" which are moms who have been through similar situations that you have been through. I signed up for one and it took about a week for her to be assigned to me. She finally sent me an email and her name is Autumn. It was such a nice sign, that is my daughter's name who passed away. She just had twins in November, and one of the twins passed away in August. She shared some pictures with me of both of her daughters. She was able to keep them together for a few after they were both born. I couldn't even imagine giving birth to a baby that passed away months before. We have a lot in common and she has been a great support.

I have also met another woman from Seattle who is on bedrest, Ashley. She has been on bedrest for over a month now in the hospital. She has a young daughter and a supportive husband who make it bearable for her. She has pretty much moved into her hospital room. She is the person who inspired me to start this blog. She has been diagnosed with a short cervix and is hoping to be released in the next week. She is a delight to talk to and a great friend. She has also inspired me to get a new camera. Well, I haven't yet, but I am going to once I have the extra money. She has a Digital SLR Canon camera and it takes amazing pictures. I am saving up and can't wait to take tons and tons of pics of Austin Tyler.

Thats all for now

Dawn :)

Getting Ready

I FINALLY went through all of Austin's clothes and organized. My mom helped me do it this morning. We decided to repack the baby bag, because I had to take all of his preemie clothes out of there. That was a GREAT feeling. I didn't realize that he doesn't have many newborn clothes, so my mom is taking me to Babies -R-Us here in a few to get him everything else he needs. After today we should be all ready for him. I need to make a couple lists of people to call and things to bring to the hospital, but thats about it. I can't believe how close it is. I know I keep saying that, but really I can't believe it :)

When Jason gets home he is finishing everything up by putting the car seat in and move the fish take out of baby's room. He is also going to work on the electronic things like the baby monitor and what nots.

Anyway, I'm going out now to finish his shopping. Probably the last time I will go out until he gets here. I will try to enjoy.

Changes

I went to the doctor today and there were some changes in my cervix. I am now dialiate to a 4. This happened in a week and it's a signifiant change. She decided not to keep me there because I am far enough along to come home and wait until I contract every 5-10 minutes.

My due date isn't until April 3rd, but I think he wants to get here before then. My doctor said she might try and "stir things up" next appt, if I make it that far. I think I am still in shock that he is going to be here soon. I can't last that long dialiated to 4cm. Wish me luck, i'm nervous!

I'm contracting tonight, we will see what happens.

2 HUGE Goals Reached Today!!

Today I hit two of my biggest goals, 36 weeks and my very last progesterone shot. I am so happy that I am finally here. I won't be full term until next week, but I am sure I will hit that mark. I think that if here were born after next week, he would go straight home with us no NICU. That is what I have been working so hard for.

It was nice to see the nurse for the last time today. Not that I don't like her, she is great. She has helped me through a lot of my fears. I just don't like getting a shot in the hip every week. I have been getting the shots since 16 weeks and now i'm 36 weeks. I never thought I would hit these goals. Now I am hitting and hopefully passing them. I believe Austin is 6lbs this week. Getting to be a big boy. He sure does feel big in there kicking away. I can feel him moving now. It's so amazing.

Now Jason and I are trying to finish everything up to be ready for Ausitn. Most everything is done though. I am so ready for him, a little scared about the delivery though.

Tomorrow is another doctor appt, hopefully everything is still going good. I have been taking a lot more pics for every week and of things here and there. As soon as I learn to post I will put them up.

Hoping for good doc visit tomorrow :)

:)

Nothing new to report today, very quiet day. Looking forward for Jason to come home. Going to organize baby's room and things. Austin's bag is packed and ready to go. I know it could be anytime and feeling good about it.

Dear Austin...

There is this song I have been listening to for inspiriation and hope. I have been listening thinking about this unborn baby since way before I was pregnant. I would listen and just know it would work out and be okay. Here are the lyrics...


A New Day Has Come

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
So through darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush now I see a light in the sky
Oh it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel With love
Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls
For a new sun
A new day has come


Dear Austin;

I love you my sweet sweet son. I can't wait to meet and hold you. We have been praying and wishing for you to be here for a long long time. I can't believe it, you are going to be here anytime. I am sitting here right now feeling you have hic-ups and moving around like crazy. I love to feel you move around, even though you like to kick really hard sometimes :) You are a dream come true and I Love you more than you will ever know.

Love, Mommy

Keeping busy and nesting

Jason is working a while today and it's only 9am...what to do?? I'm not used to being alone because my mom will usually stay with me. She needed a break. So, I guess on the agenda for today is read my new book"Shopaholic and Baby", make a grocery list, make a list of everything Austin needs, watch some TV, thats about all I can think of :) Good thing the book is long.

I think I have entered the "Nesting" stage of pregnancy. I want everything clean, in it's place and ready for baby. Maybe I will go and work on organizing his room a little today. They say once you start nesting, it won't be long :)

I'm Very Greatful

I am so happy and greatful to be blessed with such an amazing husband. As I am sitting here thinking, I am realizing just how much he has done for me through all of this. It has been so hard on me, I know no one can understand. I have waned to just give up and crawl in a hole and hide. Whenever I feel this way, Jason has always been right there to pull me through it. Like when I was in the hospital all of those times and had breakdowns. When I was too scared to be alone in the hospital because I would have panic attacks Jason was there. Even though they didn't allow anyone to stay the night with me, he made sure to make them let him stay with me. Usually he didn't sleep because there was no bed, so he would just occupy himself while I slept. I would wake up scared, and he was right there. I am so lucky. I am not usually such a weak person, but I had so many fears in mid pregnancy that I would have another premature baby that would struggle to survive. I just can't imagine losing another child. Jason understands this and he is the best support I could ask for. It's been a tough journey, and I will look back on it and smile. I learned a lot in these past 9 months. Both of our children( Autumn who is in Heaven and Austin who will be here anytime now) have made me a much stronger person and have brought Jason and I closer than ever.

Thank you Jason for just being you! I love you always and forever.


I have to mention my mom. She has given up so much to be here and help us out. She comes and stays a few days a week. She helps out with cleaning, getting ready for the baby, and emotional support for me, oh and the foot rubs! She also gave me an amazing baby shower. Thanks mom, for everything. I love you!

Happy Birthday Hubby!

Today is my husband, Jason's Birthday. He luckly had the day off and I got to see him the whole day. It was good. We started out running to meijer in my attempt to get some stuff to bake him a cake, but I still haven't made it cause i'm tired. Anyway, this was one of my only times out with such a big belly. Everyone is so nice and I get nothing but smiles, it's great. They even opened a lane for me so I didn't have to wait so long to check out. I didn't get a wheel chair there, but Jason wouldn't let me walk around much. I sat and waited for him while he got stuff. I'm going to miss this pampering. After that we went to the mall again to get Jason his present. It was nice, I miss going out. I am not going to do it much more though. When I got home I had a few contractions. Good thing I drank some water and they went away.

Jason's family stopped by and spent some time with him. It was nice. His dad and sister and him are out getting some dinner to bring back now.

Anyway, it was a quiet nice day for Jason and I. I can't wait for baby though. I am hurting, baby keeps kicking me in the bladder...ouch!

I tried to make him a Birthday Cake, but it just didn't turn out right, lol. What can I say? It's hard for me to be on my feet and cook. My mom actually mixed it for me and I still couldn't get it right. Jason was a good trooper and ate it anyway with a smile on his face. What a good guy!

Happy 25th Jason...Love your Wife, Autumn and Austin!! XOXO

Great Day!!

So far today has been very good. I started off the day waking up to the rainy thunderstorms. I LOVE stormy weather. I know its weird, I just do :) I went into the cervix clinic at 1:30 with Jason and my mom. This was my mom's first visit there, so she was excited to see the ultrasound. The cervix clinic is a research clinic that the government pays for. They are trying to get down to the reason women have preterm birth. They monitor contractions, take blood, urine sample, cultures, check the cervix and do an ultrasound. All of this information goes to researh and helps others too!

I got there and they put me on the monitor for contractions and some were showing up. I still deny that though because I couldn't feel them and everytime they were showing up the baby was kicking. I think it was just him moving, but I couldn't convince the nurse or doctor of it. From there I got the blood work done ( just one poke!! ) and it's the last time they are taking it. Not that it matters, I am so used to it by now. After that I went into the ultrasound and they checked out the baby. It was great, we saw his ears, face, and of course after a sec he covered it with his hand as always. The sonographer told us it looked like he has a dimple on his chin... so cute! Oh and for the first time, I saw that he has a full head of hair. Then we saw the "boy parts" and all I have to say about that is Jason was proud, hahaha. I can't wait to meet Austin.

After all of that was the scary part, the cervix check. The doctor checked and it was still the same. I was so excited. It was longer than last time too. It was 15mm. Thats great news for me. The doctor said he wasn't worried about my contractions because I am so far along now and they haven't done any damage. He said I am in a safe place to deliver, so it's no biggie. I just have to go in if I am in labor. Until then I can just relax and even get up and do more, but not too much.

After that we went to Big Boy and it was yummy! Looking forward to Grey's Anatomy tongiht. I am just going to relax and wait now.