Autumn's Day

What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing today
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear
My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillows where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
Mommy don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons are through
And on the day you come home
they'll be at the gates for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
Though some on earth
May not realize
Until their time is done
Remember all the love you have
And know that you are
A Special Mom

Author Unknown


Today is Autumn's Day. She left us 5 years ago today. Time goes on, but we will Always Remember. Love you Autumn Elizabeth Rockett, here with us for 15 Days.

Looking Good

I have had a pretty good week so far. Yesterday was great. Jason helped out around the house a lot and hung up our family pics and some shelves. I love it here so much more now. Really feels like home. He still has to paint, but I will take it easy on him.

Yesterday was Gymboree Day for Austin too. He did so well, much better. He was participating so much more and even stayed around for the singing and the big parachute. It was so cute. We will probably keep him in there for a while because I am noticing such an improvement in him. He is finally starting to talk some more. The words are not too clear, but he is saying a lot. He says ball, uh oh, daddy, mama, home, and he has is own language too. When he gets excited he will babble and it's so cute. We have to get that on video! He loves to Dance. When he hears music he will stomp his feet and wave his arms. He looks like a old man dancing. It is adorable. He is 17 Months old now. Hard to believe he is going to be a Big Brother!!!

I went to the OB today and all was still well. Cervix was great and I was happy about that. I got to meet with the other Doc today and he was awesome. He talked to us about the Cerclage and wanted to know why we declined. Jason explained because I experience preterm labor and contractions. The cerclage would not hold my cervix shut if I am contracting and is a big risk for infection. The Doc decided to look over my file from when I had Autumn. HE had a nurse go to the records and get the report from my placenta. The report showed the reason why I had Autumn so early. I have never known this, no one ever called me with this information. The report said I had a major lever 3 infection. He said it was impossible and dangerous for me to be pregnant any longer like that. Autumn's best chance was to be born. I was shocked! He said due to that, he for sure is against a cerclage. He is going to monitor me every 2 weeks with a visit and ultrasound for cervical length. I was glad we had the chance to see him. So I will go back in 2 weeks and hopefully with know the Sex of the baby. Bummer Jason will be out of town when I go.

Here is a Pic from Austin a couple days ago. Him and Dad were outside playing.

Dreaming of Austin

This is Day 3 and I am bored stiff. I must get some books this weekend and catch up op on reading that I have wanted to do since Austin was born. I had an appt today, but cancelled because I am just not feeling well. I feel sick again, but have been trying to get off the meds that help control it. I finally gave in and took the darn thing. I forgot how tough this bedrest stuff is. Thats ok though, it's all worth it. It will be a tough couple of months, but I am up for it.

On a good note, Mark is doing better. His lungs are clear and he is expected to make a full recovery. He is very out of it and confused due to being in a coma for a week. I guess that is to be expected. My mom is sick and can't see him for a couple days. She called up there and got a chance to talk to him for the first time since he woke up. He thought she was on Vacation in Miami. He is very confused, but he will pull through. I am not sure how long he will be in the Hospital. Thanks for all of your Prayers.

Dreaming of Austin today. He is at Grandma De's house until Jason gets off work. I miss that kid even though we get a lot of time together with me being off work. I know he is having much more fun with Grandma De than he would here with me laying around. I enjoy Austin so much and I can't believe there will be another little one before we know it. He says Baby a lot now. It's so sweet. He doesn't understand I am Pregnant, but I think that will come with time. I'm off to watch bad daytime Television. Looking forward to seeing Austin in a couple hours!

Day 2

Today was a good day. Jason and I had some nice time together with Austin. Here are some cut pics from Austin playing outside with Jason. Austin also went to Gymboree today and he did well. He participated very well, but didn't care much for the music part.

Autumn's 5th Birthday

Autumn's 5th Birthday would have been this past Saturday the 16th. I was feeling too crummy to come on here and post. She has really taught me so much about life at a young age. I take nothing for granted and I appreciate all the special people in my life. I am the Mother I am today because of Autumn. I agree I worry too much sometimes, but I am very aware now. I love that little girl so much it hurts. She is forever a part of me.

Autumn,

I know you are in Heaven with God. I know you are at Peace, I can feel it everyday. I know you are ok and Happy. I know we will one day be reunited and we can enjoy one another for eternity. Guide me as you always have. I need you now more than ever. Please watch over this little baby just as you did your little Brother. Please know you will never be forgotten. You are here with me, your Father, Austin and baby Rice. And here is where you will forever live on. You were on this Earth for a short time, but your presence was so powerful and everlasting. I know you are not alone in Heaven. Please know a part of your family is there with you too. You are so small, but you are the strongest Person I know. I wish I could see how you look now at 5 years old. I see you in my Dreams and you are so Beautiful. I am so proud to be your Mother. I can't ever tell you how sorry I am this happened to you. I wish I would have known I was having problems. If it weren't for you, Austin would not be here today. I love you so much, and I can never put into words how much I miss you. I hope you had a good Birthday. I am sure you were eating Chocolate. I never ate chocolate until I was Pregnant with you. You really loved it. I miss You and love you Autumn. Always and Forever!! Always remember what I told you when I was visiting you everyday. Always remember what I told you when I was holding you in my arms. Never forget what I told you at our final GoodBye.

I will never forget,

Love Mommy

Kinda Sorta Bedrest - Day 1

I went to the Doctor this morning and I am officially taken off work. I am to take it easy, very easy. I am not yet on Bedrest, so that's good. My cervix was still closed and long. Couldn't be happier about that. My BP was normal for the first time there this pregnancy. I have been taking it at home and it's been very normal every time. I get very anxious when I am there for some reason. I heard the heartbeat and loved every second of that. He or she is a mover and has to be chased. Austin and Autumn were the same way.

Anyway, all looks good so far. They are taking precautions and taking me off work before things get bad in hopes that they will hold off longer before they do get bad. With Austin it was 20 weeks, and I am now 15 or 16 weeks along. My shots start next week. The nurse will come to my house once a week until I am 36 weeks along. I loved my nurse last time, but we are not in the same area so we will see who it is.

While we were at the office there was a girl there who reminded me so much of myself and the road ahead. Her cervix was getting very short and they were sending her to the Hospital for possibly the rest of her Pregnancy. She was crying and beside herself with anxiety of being stuck in the Hospital with complications. I understand how she feels and I just wanted to give her a hug. My heart broke for her. I sure hope I can stay home for my pregnancy, but we will see how this goes.

I have been seeing a Psychologist about my anxiety and it has been helping a lot. She is the nicest Woman, and I think talking to her will really help me pull through this constant worrying. I wish I would have done this when I was pregnant with Austin. Hopefully I will not have postpartum depression after this baby is born. I had that with Autumn and Austin bad, and that was very tough.

Things I hope to have done soon so I can try to enjoy my bedrest...

*Get the house clean
*Get ready for baby - too soon for that.
*Study and learn Photography more
*Catch up on TV - Can't wait for the new Fall season
*I hope Jason will paint, but I know he is a very busy guy
*Get Netflix
*Keep Austin happy and Busy - Gymboree starts tomorrow. That should be a great activity for now
*I can't think of anything else right now

Oh, I find out the sex of the Baby on September 16th!!!

Thats all for now. I am on Day 1 and I am bored already. I'm also frustrated I can't clean my house myself. Jason has tomorrow off, so I will keep him busy.

Prayer Request

To all of my Friends and Family, please keep my Step Dad, Mark in your Prayers. He is in the Hospital with Pneumonia. He is in a induced coma because his lungs are so bad and he can't breath on his own. He has been this way for 2 days with no improvement. Please keep Mark and my Mom in your thoughts that he can pull through this. He just lost his Mom a couple weeks ago and this is just so unexpected.

Boys will be Boys

Austin in his Dump Truck