I Remember...

Let the little children
come to me,
and don't prevent them.
For such is the Kingdom
of Heaven

Matthew 19:14

ANGEL WINGS

A precious angel slipped away,
no one heard a cry.
No time for Daddy and Mommy
to sing me lullabies.
My time with you was much too short,
I had to leave so soon.
But love had joined us as I grew
inside my mommy's womb.
It wove its way within our hearts,
in all our hopes and dreams,
until the very purest love
became my tiny wings.
Although I could not stay with you,
I knew right from the start
that once you felt your angel's love,
you'd keep me in your heart.
I'm just a little angel
but my time was not in vain,
as dark clouds that surrounded you
gave way unto the sun.
My precious parents you will see
that any heart will sing,
if only for a moment
it is brushed by angel wings

Amira Lue Pics

Fun in th Park!!

Some Fun Pics from 1 to 4 Months!

Welcome Baby Amira Lue

My boss is now a Grandma! Yesterday her daughter Kandi had her baby, Amira Lue. It was a rough couple of days and we were worried, but all turned out great. She went in to the Hospital on Wednesday August, 22 to be induced. Well, that didn't work too well and after a day still nothing. The baby's heart rate was dropping and she was holding her breath with every contraction and even after the contraction.

She was born safe and healthy yesterday at 3:35pm weighing 6lb 5oz and 20in long. Pics posted soon!!

Congrats to Kandi, Eric and their families!!!

Now we are just waiting for Chad and Jenn's little girl to be here. Jenn is due October 10, 2007 and we are so excited!!

Happy Birthday Autumn

Today is our Dauhter's 4th Birthday. She is Celebrating in Heaven and her Spirit is with us today. It is a very Special Day.

It is difficult this year because now we have Austin. I am so happy to have Austin, but now I know what both Autumn and I have missed out on. My Heart breaks for Autumn. I try to stay positive and know that God took her for a reason.

We will raise Austin to know he has a Big Sister in Heaven looking down on him and she will play a part in his life.

Our hope for the future is to find a Gravesite for Autumn and let her Rest in Peace. It is time for us to let her be an Angel and Fly. Right now her ashes are at our home. I needed her with me and it was comforting. Now that is has been 4 years I have to give her a special place that is just for her. I will always visit and decorate her Grave.

I can't believe it has been 4 years since Autumn was born. I often think back to that day and those very special 15 days Autumn was here. She has taught both Jason and I so much about life and love and cherishing every moment.

Hope you don't mind, but I need to reflect a little about her amazing Birthday...

Back to August 16, 2003... It was a Saturday and I was stuck in the Hospital on complete Bedrest. Couldn't get up for a thing and I was so down and miserable. Well, this day was different. I was cheering up and starting to face the fact I was stuck there until I had my baby. I was 24 weeks pregnant and the baby had a small chance to live if born. The doctors were happy I was still pregnant and every extra day she stayed in there it was a Blessing. I started to turn on the Television and read books. At first I refused and would just lay there and cry ALL day. I had Jason bring my baby shower invitations and I was working on them. I figured I had to stay positive and what better way than to make the invites.

Jason needed a break that day and he went home to get some rest and spend time with the animals. My sister, Allison came to visit me and she was helping me make the invites and talking with me. She even washed my hair, which was so nice because it has been a while!! After she left I had a visitor, Kurt. He shocked me by stopping by and it was such a nice surprise. When he was there I started to feel contractions, but didn't think much of it. Then they started to feel a little stronger. After he left I told the nurses and they weren't too worried about it. After that they went away, so I didn't think much of it myself.

Jason came back up and he brought some movies he rented. We hung out for a while just talking and watching TV. We decided around 8 to watch the movie. It ended around 10 and Jason was getting ready to leave because visiting hours were over. I started to feel very uncomfortable with contractions again and told the Nurses. They said it wasn't a big deal, but I didn't agree. I didn't feel right and I kept telling them. They were reluctant, but paged a Doctor. I wouldn't let Jason leave yet, and the Nurses were annoyed. I didn't care, I was in pain and didn't want to be without him if something happened.

The Doctor came in a while later and she cheked me. I will never forget the look on her face. She yelled for a nurse and said I had to get to L&D now because I was fully dialiated and she could feel the babys head!!! I was so scared and shocked I just started to cry. The nurses told me not to worry and it will be ok. Jason looked so scared and he is usually the calm and collected one. They got me to L&D and I was all set up for pushing, but had to wait for my Doctor. They paged her and she was coming in from home. The Nurses told me to call everyone fast because this was going to be a very fast delivery and there was no telling what could happen. She said we will need support. So we called all the friends and family we could and they were up there very fast.
My Dad and Jason's Mom arrived very fast and they were going to be in the room for the delivery. The doctor got there very soon after them and she told me to push when I felt a contraction. I wasn't feeling them now because I was so nervous. She told me to just bear down and push, so I did. Jason was tolding one leg, the Nurse holding the other and my dad was holding my hand. I pushed a few more times and it was starting to hurt. My dad coudn't take it anymore and gave my hand to Jason's mom. Everyone was screaming and giving me support. Jason looked terrified and I probably did too!

After a couple more pushed she was there. They told me to look and I could see her. She cried one tiny cry. I couldn't believe how little she was. She looked like a little doll. I couldn't hold her, she was taken to the NICU Doctors right away. They started to work on her and said for her size she did look good. Jason got the chance to go over and look at her. I could only see her from a distance and it was very sad. She wasn't with me anymore and I couldn't do anything for her any longer. It was her fight now.

The Doctors took her to the NICU soon after Delivery. Family and friends came in after that and they were all very supportive. I was happy that I had my Child, but I could feel the scared feeling in the pit of my stomach how difficult this road was going to be. I was able to get up and take a shower, and that was very hard because I have been off my feet for a while. They put me in a wheelchair and took Jason and I over to see Autumn right away.

I will never forget going into the NICU. It was so sad seeing all the tiny sick Babies and their sad parents sitting near them unable to hold them. I saw Autumn and couldn't believe how tiny she was, 1lb 5oz. I asked the Nurses if she would be able to survive and they could not tell me. They said to be ready for an up and down journey while Autumn was in the NICU. They warned me how tough it was going to be and I had to stay positive. She had so many tubes and machines attached to her. The Nurses explained them all to me, but I couldn't keep track of everything. It was so sad.

I went back to my room and tried to sleep, but didn't get to sleep much. They brought me a picture of her very early in the morning. I just stared at it for a while and prayed. Jason was in the room with me and he was sleeping. He was exhausted.

It was a very tough struggle the next couple of weeks and we visited her very often. Jason would hold her tiny little hand and talk to her. I would sit by her side and talk to her. I told her about her family and all the fun things we would do once she came home. Dressing up for Halloween, Christmas and many other fun things she had to look forward to.

I'm very said to say that she didn't get to do all those things I promised she could one day do. She couldn't fight anymore and she passed away on August 31 2003. Her time here was amazing and beautiful. It was all so bittersweet. I had my first Child and I was a Mommy, but she couldn't stay here long and was called home to Heaven. I still celebrate her life. She will never be forgotten. I hope you remember her too! If you are reading this then I am sure you were a part of her life. You probably played a part in all of this. Please rememebr her today and I am sure she is doing the same for all those who prayed for her and still remember.

Autumn,

I started my day today by waking up excited by your Birthday. You are 4 years old. You should be walking around now and exploring life. Today you should have a big party with all of your Friends and Family. I can see it now, you so excited and overjoyed that so many people are getting together to celebrate your Birthday. You would be so big and growing up into an amazing girl. Would you have Curly hair like your mom or striaght hair like Dad? I think you would be tall like mommy was at your age. I can see you now so excited we are singing Happy Birthday to you, but still a little bashful at all of the Attention you are getting. Now is the best part, you are tearing through your presents so fast and so happy with all of your new toys!! Now you are playing with all your cousins and friends. You keep yelling at your Dad saying, "Daddy, watch me do this...Daddy did you see that?!?!" I look at your dad and he is watching with such a proud look on his face. He loves to spend time with you and you look up to him. You are a Daddy's Girl. After your big party you are home now and all wound up from all of the sugar and fun things you got to do that day. I see you cuddling on the couch with me and your little Brother Austin. You are such a good big sister and you love to help me with him. He just loves you and is all smiles with you. You get really tired and it is time for bed. I give you a bath and put you in your favorite pink fuzzy pajamas. I put you to bed with your favorite pink Teddy Bear that says "it's a girl!!."(From when you were Born) I sing you a song and read you a story and I think you are asleep. I get up to turn out the lights and you look up and say, "Mommy, I love you and Daddy so much" That just brings a tear to my eye and I tell you how much we love you too. You are so Beautiful and I just look at you and start to cry. My Beautiful Daughter, growing up and I am so lucky to have you Autumn. I can't tell you how loved you are because I just can't find the words to express it. Happy Birthday my little Angel, Happy Birthday.

I know you are not here, but that is how I picture your Birthday today. Please Autumn, be with us today and we Celebrate your Birthday and miss you so bad it hurts. A Child should never have to go through what you went through. A Child should never have to die. I know you were taken for a reason and I love you. Celebrate your Birthday in Heaven and do all those fun things you should do on a Birthday. You are in Heaven with many loved ones and of course Sassy. I know you love her very much just like I did when I was little. I am not there with you, but I know you are here with me. I can feel your Spirit. I love you and Happy Birhtday Autumn!

Love,
Mommy

5 Months!!

Yesterday Austin turned 5 whole months old lol!! He is really growing and it is so interesting to watch him now. He is almost on the move and I expect he will be crawling in no time. Every week he changes and develops so much. He loves to stand still, but just recently he started to take steps(like within days.) Of course, he has to be holding on to someone but is it still such an accomplishment.

He is eating rice cereal 2 times a day now and he loves it. He likes to lay on his tummy and have all his toys infront of him. That usually will keep him busy for a while.

Austin seems to think when he is with his Dad, it is play time. All Jason has to do is look at him and Austin reacts with a huge smile and gets very energetic and playful. I try to keep Jason out of his sight around bedtime. I get him all cuddled and sleepy and he looks at Dad and perks right up.

I am the opposite, Austin likes to cuddle with me and knows I am the calm mommy. Around me he will play and we do have fun, but he is much more of a cuddler. When he gets bigger I hope that changes some. I really want to be very involved with his sports and all the fun stuff too!! I won't be a boring mom, I promise!! :)

One downer is he still has the bump on his head. After worring about it I took him to the dermatologist to get a second opinion. The doc did say it is a Hemangioma and not to worry, it will go away in time. That is the key word, time. It could be a couple years. I will try not to worry too much about it.

So all in all things are going wonderfully for the Rockett family. We are looking forward to our Tennessee Vacation coming up in November. Can't wait to get out and have fun with Austin and take him to a new place.

Austin's Birth Story

So, I was thinking and I realized that I never added Austin's Birth Story on here.

One reason is how overwhelming a new baby can be. My every second went to him, then before you know it I went back to work, and blah blah blah.

Anyway, I really want to document it, not that I will EVER forget it, but there could be tiny details I want to rememebr and look back on. And of course I have to document it, for Austin!!

So...back to March 14, 2007. I had an appointment with Dr. Mehta and she told me a week before that she would, "Try to get things started" at my next appiontment. I knew what it meant, but at the same time I didn't. I couldn't believe that I would ever get induced. Not me, the girl who went into the hosital 5 plus times with preterm labor!! So anyway, I went in really early with Jason and my mom. I had a feeling it would be that day, but I just didn't want to believe it. After everything I have been though it was hard to believe there was going to be a Happy Ending.

We started out going to Dunkin Donuts so Jason could get something to eat, which was a really good idea considering the day we had before us. I didn't eat, too nervous. That was a big mistake! We got there at about 8:30am and I was so nervous that I could hardly stand it. The doctor came in and checked me, and said it was time and she was going to send me over to Labor and Delivery. I was so astonished that it really was time to have a normal labor and deliver a healthy full term baby. I had turned 37 weeks pregnant that day, which is full term.

We went over to the hospital, got settled in the room and got started on the meds to induce me. I thought it would be really fast after that, but it wasn't. I thought after all that bedrest and work of keeping the cervix shut, the meds would just make it really open fast. I started to have tiny contractions and they lasted for a little while. I chit-chatted with family and had a couple of visitors. I actually had a lot of visitors from the nurses and staff who helped me while I was there with all of my preterm labor visits. The whole floor was buzzing aroud excited that I was having my healthy, full-term baby boy.

Finally, the contractions started to get strong. I was a little uncomfortable. You have to remember that I have been having contractions since I was 20 weeks pregnant. My doctor, and all of the nurses told me I better get an epideral asap because I WILL need it. I was really freaked out about a needle going in my back, but I decided to go ahead and do it. How bad could it be? I have been poked tons this pregnancy and had two amnios. It can't be worse than poking a long needle though my belly into my uterus. Well, I was right, it wasn't that bad. I went almost numb from the waist down.

At this point, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was so relaxed and exhausted from the epideral. The nurse came in and was a little worried about Austin's Heart Rate. She thought he might be in distress so I was given oxygen. I was very worried at that point and thought maybe I would have to get a C-Section. I DID NOT want to get that, and was praying to God that he please not put me though it after everything else I have been through. I just wanted a normal happy delivery. Well, maybe they are happy after all the pain and pushing, not during.

It was afternoon sometime and my Doctor finally made it over to see me. At this point the contractions just stopped. She was concerned about it, but didn't say much. She knows I am the kind of person to freak out about the smallest scare because I have been freaking out a lot this pregnancy. I had been nicknamed Mrs. Anxiety by her and the nurses. She checked me and I was still the same when I saw her that morning. She told me to just have her paged and she will come when I was ready. She also decided to put me on a cathider since my legs were numb and couldn't get up to pee. I also had an internal monitor on Austin's head. Everything was down there, but I didn't care. I was on the best pain meds ever!

As soon as she left, she sent in another doctor to break my water. I didn't see how he was going to get in there with everything else, but he did. I didn't feel it at all. He said it was the clearest amniotic fluid he has ever seen. Taht was the strangest compliment I think I have ever received, lol! That made me happy, there was no infection. I was also frustrated because I was put through the agony of 2 amnios. But thats ok, it was all worth it! So a little bit of time went by and all of a sudden I was really hurting. I was feeling the contractions and I never felt that pain before. Even with the epideral they were hurting BAD. I was dealing with it for a couple of them. Well, that didn't last long. I told the nurse to get the doctor now!!! Dr. Mehta came in and checked me and I couldn't believe it, I was fully dialiated and ready to push. They got me ready and then it was time. I couldn't believe it, I was going to have my little boy. I thought the hardest part was done, and it would be so easy to push him out. YEAH RIGHT!!

Dr. Mehta looked at me and said, to push. I looked back at her like, huh? I was expecting coaching or something. I am the kind of person who needs that in those situations. Also, I have been on bedrest for 5 months and no strength to begin with. Well, I didn't really get it at first. I was pushing, and not much was happenening. I went through it about 10 times and I couldn't believe I didn't have him yet. I was exhausted! I had NO MORE energy to do this. My mom was on one side of me, and Jason on the other both holding my legs. The doctor was down there along with another doctor and 2 nurses were walking around the room. I was really pt on display.I really felt like at one point I was boring the doctor! I asked if anything was happening yet, and she said I was doing great. With every question that was the answer. You are doing great. At first I believed it, but at this point I was exhausted and just didn't want to hear it. She told me to feel down there and she could see the head. I thought he was almost out. So I felt and I could only feel a tiny little part of the top of his head. I was so frustrated and told them there were crazy! I was no where near done.

So, I kept on pushing and pushing and pushing and..... it just went on and on. It was really hurting and I think they turned off my epideral (not really, but it sure felt like it.) I was starting to really feel pain in my lower back and couldn't stand it anymore. I was screaming VERY loud with every push and telling them I couldn't do it anymore! I tried to look over and my moms shirt and focus on the angel she was wearing. That didn't last for too long. They always say find a focal point, but it didn't work for me. Nothing was working and I couldn't push that baby out! My dad, Jason's dad and Mark were all in the hallway listening to me. They said I was screaming so loud a nurse and to come and shut the door because I was scaring the other pacients.

At last, I was getting some support other than my mom. Poor Jason was in shock and scared with me screaming and in so much pain. He did not know what to do. The doctors were screaming for me to push. Another nurse came in and she would throw my head up and hold my back and not let me stop. This is what I needed, some motivation. I was at the point where I actually WANTED the scary C-Section. Anything was better than going through this torture. I was crying and so frustrated. I was losing concentration and drive to push that baby out. Another nurse came it, she was my favorite from all those other visits to the Hospital. She was wonderful! So, I had the support and everyone was screaming at me to push. It may sound crazy, but it helped out alot.

Finally after over an hour of pushing, Austin was born around 4:30pm. It was all a blur at this point. All of a sudden everyone was telling me to look at my baby and I saw a blue little chunky baby boy!!! I have been dreaming of this moment ever since I lost Autumn. I just wanted to have a healthy baby and hear him cry. Then I realized I didn't hear a cry. I kept listening and listening and then there it was. My little boy was here!!! I couldn't hold him right away. Jason cut the cord, even though he really didn't want to. He doesn't like that kind of thing. The doctor pushed him to do it. Austin was taken to the other side of the room and there were NICU doctors working on him making sure he was healthy and the lungs were fully developed. I thought for sure they were going to take him to the NICU, but they didn't!! He was perfect and he was handed to me all bundled up and adorable. I was so excited and overwhelmed with love. I was holding my healthy perfect son!!! Before I knew it the room filled with our family. It was so nice. My sisters were there, Brandon, Jacob, My dad, Jason's dad, my mom, Mark. Austin was passed around the room and tons of pics were taken. I twas one of the best experiences of my life. I remember Austin being passed to me, and Jason was there. We just looked at each other and that spoke more words than anyone could ever say. There was an understanding, a great feeling. Thank You God for Belssing me with Austin and my Family.

Happy Anniversary

Tuesday, August 7, 2007 was our Wedding Anniversary. We didn't do anything special, and it was a ordinalry day, but thats ok. Now that we have Austin and both work a lot that is to be expected. It was still special and wonderful! I love you Jason

Sleepy Austin

This Pisture isn't the best quailty, but I had to add it. It was taken with my cell phone. He was in his walker having fun, trying to attack the bears (something he just started to do , and it is so funny) and he just fell asleep. His eyes were getting heavy and all of a sudden...ZzZzZzZzZz

One Year Ago...

One year ago seems lifetimes away. I never knew my life could change so much in just one year. One year ago from July 28, 2007 was a big day for Jason and I. It was the day I found out I was PREGNANT! The funny thing, is I didn't expect it. Jason and I were going to a fertility Doctor, so we were trying for a baby, but to actually get the news was amazing! I had to do a tepm chart for the fertililty doc(take temp every morning at the same time) and I had missed my period, chich was very normal for me. I had to call the doctors office and let them know about it and they said I had to come in to do bloodwork. The nurse said because of the way my temp chart looked, it was possible I could be pregnant. So I went in that morning to get the bloodwork, I had the morning off work, it was a Friday. I didn't expect that was really it though, I have had so many false pregnancy tests at this point, I didn't dare count on it anymore. The Nurse called me a few hours later and said the news was good and I was PREGNANT!

I didn't know what to do, I was on the phone with her and running around the house like a weirdo! She told me what to do, what not to do. I had to go back and get bloodwork every week to make sure everything was going well. I got off the phone and called Jason to give him the amazing news. He was almost speechless, it was so sweet. He was very happy though.

I could not sit still, so I got in the car and drove to my mom's house in Toledo. I got there and tried not to give it away. I had a big smile on my face and she said,"what, are you Pregnant?" I said YES!!!! She was so happy she started to pace the room and cried. It was so awesome.

That weekend we told the rest of the family, it was the best!!

Anyway, my point is looking back on this year is just so amazing. All of what I went through is just so worth it. Now I have a healthy 4 1/2 month old son, Austin!!